“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen
“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” – Woody Allen
Tweet
“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.” – Woody Allen
“Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.” – Yakov Smirnoff
“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist” – Gena Showalter
“Don’t gobblefunk around with words.” – Roald Dahl
“A penny saved is a penny earned.” – Benjamin Franklin
Tweet
“The funniest people are the saddest ones.” – Confucius
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.” – Paul Fix
“Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.” – Ozzy Osbourne
“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” – Paul R. Ehrlich
“I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” – Phyllis Diller
Aylake 