Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week

“If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.” – Rob Cordry

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeed fairly well.” – Robert Benchley

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch

“All I can do is try to create my own brand and have people appreciate me for that.” – Kevin Hart 

“Your phone doesn’t suck. Your life sucks around the phone.” – Louis C.K.

“All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.” – Robert Breault

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Robert Frost

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wrigh

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.” – Spanish proverb

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something.” – Mitch Hedberg

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip

“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.” – Mitch Hedberg

“The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice.” – Eddie Murphy

“I think those neighborhood signs that say ‘slow children playing’ are so very mean.” – Zach Galifianakis

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.” – Erma Bombeck

The road to success is always under construction

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.” – Yogi Berra

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin

“If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?” – Cynthia Heimel

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle

“My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

“If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”  – Richard D. Wolff

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” – Rita Mae Brown

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” – Rita Rudner