“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
“I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.”
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” – Greg Tamblyn
“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” – Sicilian Proverb
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.” – Elayne Boosler
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” – Jackie Mason
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” – Oscar Wilde
“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” – Bill Maher
“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.” – Bill Vaughan
“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.” – Bill Vaughan
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly
Aylake 