“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.” – Robert Fulghum

“Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’” – Emo Philips

“You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.” – Emo Philips

“I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’” – Emo Philips

“England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual’.” – Emo Philips

“In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some.” – Emo Philips

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck

“Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” ― Erma Bombeck

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” ― Erma Bombeck

“I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.” ― Erma Bombeck

“Housework can kill you if done right.” ― Erma Bombeck

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” – George Carlin

“To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.” – George W. Bush

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” – Gertrude Stein

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” – Groucho Marx

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” – Groucho Marx

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!” – Groucho Marx

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx

“If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.”

““Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.” – Aparna Nancherla 

“In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city.” – Aparna Nancherla

Published by aylake

Every day is perfect day for perfect day. I'm mum of 3 and love to do different things. Reading and beading are my favorites. After that I like walk on the beach and take pictures of everything where I see beauty. I like make jokes and laugh. At moment learning English language. This blog going to be like me. Sometimes boring and sometimes I show you something surprisingly new. View all posts by aylake