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I live by my own rules

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.” – Samuel Goldwyn

“I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.” – Scott Adams

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams

“I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.” – Si Robertson

“The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.” – Sid Caesar

“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser” ― Albert Einstein

“When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision.” ― Albert Einstein

“I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.” ― Albert Einstein

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”― Benjamin Franklin

“In the Affairs of this World Men are saved, not by Faith, but by the Lack of it.” ― Ben Franklin

“Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.” – Jay Leno

“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” – Jay Leno

“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” – Jeffree Star

“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.” – Jessica Simpson

“Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.” – Jim Davis

“The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.” – Jim Harrison

“Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.” – Jim Rohn

“Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” – Joan Collins

“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore

“If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.” – Mitch Hedberg

“Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.”

“What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?”

“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.”

“I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.”

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

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