“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.” – Socrates
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.” – Stan Laurel
“Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert
“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” – Steve Irwin
“Avoid popularity if you would have peace.” – Abraham Lincoln
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ― Albert Einstein
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ― Albert Einstein
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” ― Albert Einstein
“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” ― Albert Einstein
“Black holes are where God divided by zero.” ― Albert Einstein
“Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.” ― Albert Einstein
“It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.” ― Albert Einstein
“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy
“I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.” – John Fugelsang
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – John Hughes
“The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.” – John Maynard Keynes
“Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” – Johnny Carson
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.” – Josh Billings
“The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.” – Josh Billings
“The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.” – Karl Kraus
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“I’m addicted to placebos.” – Steven Wright
“I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.” – Pablo Picasso
“Puns are the highest form of literature.” – Alfred Hitchcock
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
“All generalizations are false, including this one.” – Mark Twain
“What’s another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright”
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